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Massage Your Mind!: Are You Living In A Cave? - By Maya Talisman Frost
When I was three years old, I had an experience I?ll never forget. My mother had
just prepared lunch for my brother and me, and a neighbor lady came running over,
breathless, telling my mother some news. Mom went right to the television and turned
it on. This was unusual?she rarely watched TV. She set up the ironing board in the
living room(!) so that she could iron while watching. Stranger still, she seemed
to have forgotten all about naptime. My brother and I sat on the couch quietly,
hoping that if we didn?t draw attention to ourselves she wouldn?t put us to bed.
We needn?t have worried?Mom was completely caught up in what was on the television.
From the couch, we watched the TV as a scene was played over and over?a man in
a car with his wife, and then sudden pandemonium. I couldn?t make much sense of
it. When the man on the TV was talking, there was a big photo of the man in the
car behind him. In fact, whenever anyone was talking, there was that same photo
of the man with the thick hair and toothy smile. My mother kept ironing, steam rising
from my father?s shirts as she said, over and over, ?Oh, God?.oh, my GOD!?
And that is how, for the next ten years of my life, I had an image of God as
John F. Kennedy in a long white robe. Even when I realized what I was picturing,
and remembered why I had that association, I couldn?t shake the image. Even now,
forty years later, I still find that mental picture popping up when I least expect
it!
It?s fascinating to look at how we learn and what our minds store as knowledge.
Do you have a JFK story? We all have stories in our heads of the way things happened
or how details fit together. The interesting thing is that they are, indeed, simply
stories.
Fortunately, there?s nothing harmful about my childhood image of God. I didn?t
start worshipping the Kennedy family or anything like that. The entire fields of
psychology and psychiatry are based on our early associations and the stories we
tell ourselves about the way things are. And what stories! We create our own histories
in our heads, and sometimes it takes a great deal of counseling (or our own application
of philosophy) to remodel our stories so that they help us see the world in a more
realistic way.
?People can die of mere imagination.? --Chaucer
Plato had an interesting way of thinking about false beliefs and illusions. He
developed an elaborate image of a cave in which all people are chained to the floor
and watching shadows on the wall. He described a man who, escaping his chains, becomes
the first to venture outside the cave. He comes to realize that the shadows cast
upon the cave walls from the light of the fire bear little resemblance to the outside
world. He sees for the first time that cave life is an illusion, and he races back
to free his cavemates and show them the real world.
Plato goes on to say that this is exactly what a philosopher does. When he tells
his cavemates his strange tale, he is cheered by some and rejected by others. Some
cave folks are just fine in that cave, thank you very much. They don?t need any
other reality. Others are intrigued but hesitant, breaking free of their chains
and stepping cautiously into the sunlight. The philosopher?s role is to continue
in the difficult but necessary work of freeing fellow captives and introducing them
to a brighter world. His task is to help us wake up and recognize the limitations
we?ve constructed for ourselves.
We tend to like our illusions. It?s a pain to question them. It takes too much
time, and then it messes up our carefully crafted ideas about life. Better to just
sit there with our chains, staring at the cave wall. We don?t think it?s so bad?some
of those shadows are kind of nice. That fire feels pretty good. These chains, once
you get used to them, are barely noticeable. And so it is in modern life.
Actually, we?ve been putting ourselves in chains since the beginning of human
existence. In Hindu philosophy (and many would agree that Hinduism and Buddhism
are more like philosophies than religions), there are many allusions to illusion.
My favorite is the story of Narada and maya, or ?illusion? (although I personally
prefer the alternate definition of maya as ?creative power?).
Narada was a great sage who came to Vishnu. In Hinduism, there are three aspects
of Brahma, or godhead: Brahma is the creator, Vishnu is the preserver, and Shiva
is the destroyer of evil. So, one day, Narada asks Vishnu, ?What is the secret of
your maya?? Vishnu promptly throws him in a pool. As soon as he enters the water,
Narada becomes a princess born to a wealthy family, and as such, he experiences
the entire life of the little girl. She ends up marrying a prince and going to live
with him in his kingdom. They become fabulously wealthy, but then their kingdom
is attacked and everything is destroyed. The prince is killed, and the princess,
as a dutiful mourning wife, throws herself on the funeral pyre of her cremated husband.
This is considered the ultimate act of self-sacrifice. Suddenly, Narada wakes up
to find that he is being pulled out of the pool by Vishnu. At that moment, Vishnu
asks him, ?For whom are you weeping??
This is the whole concept of illusion in a nutshell. We are caught up in a story
that seems so skillful and perfect that we can?t help but believe that it is real.
This is the Hindu dramatic idea of the cosmos as an endless game of hide-and-seek.
Now you see it, now you don?t. It?s here, and it?s gone, and it?s all a big game,
anyway.
Babies have an intuitive, instinctual understanding of this. Every baby knows
the peek-a-boo game?.hide your face behind a book and peek around it?BOO! Giggles
galore. The here-and-gone concept is universal, whether it?s realizing that solid
materials are actually composed of different elements with spaces between molecules
or seeing clearly that a rotating ceiling fan appears solid even though we understand
that there is a moving blade creating the illusion of solid form. Hide-and-seek,
peek-a-boo, it?s all pretty profound when you think about it.
?Understanding the atom is a childish game in comparison with the understanding
of the childish game.? --Albert Einstein
But let?s go back further. The Hindu philosophy of consciousness is very close
to what Freud called ?oceanic consciousness.? A baby comes into the world having
spent months floating in the ocean of the womb. She does not distinguish between
her own experiences and that of the external world. (I have four daughters, so I
figure I?ve earned the right to stick with the female pronoun here!) To a baby,
it is all one?the universe as one single organism.
As a baby gets older, she learns the concept of being separate from the world.
We are quick to hasten this process. We begin to focus on naming objects and directing
attention to details instead of the whole. Young children start asking questions
about things like the color of the sky or the shapes between branches, and we direct
their attention to whatever we feel is more significant. They quickly learn what
is expected, what is important, what is common in our understanding of the world.
After a while, we each forget the perspective we?d had when everything was a wonder.
And before we know it, we?ve got a life full of ideas, habits, beliefs and stories
that we share with countless others.
Of course, then we wake up one morning around age 40 and start questioning everything.
Well, there?s no sense sticking to that time-honored schedule. You can start questioning
anytime! In fact, your best bet is to recognize right off that this whole thing
is one big fantastic charade. Recognize it, laugh at it, celebrate it, and keep
an eye on the exit. Better yet, sneak out there whenever you get a chance!
You can always come back inside and hang out with your cavemates and watch those
shadows on the cave walls. It`s safe. It`ll always be there.
Prepare now to tiptoe outside. Break your chains. Shake your head enough times
to loosen some of those stories that have been filling your mind for most of your
life. And head for the light outside the cave.
What`s out there? Plenty of philosophers just like you--those who have broken
free and see the world and reality in a whole new way. Life is rich, full, and more
meaningful. Come join the thinkers. There are plenty of us waiting to greet you!
Maya Talisman Frost is a gifted
teacher, facilitator and mediator. She has been massaging minds since 1983. Her
seminars are offered in a number of cities in the Northwest as well as California,
British Columbia and Mexico. This article is an excerpt from her free 12-week "Massage
Your Mind!" online course. To sign up, visit
www.massageyourmind.com and start celebrating
your cerebrum!
CAN A MAN AVOID GAME PLAYERS WHEN USING THE PERSONALS? - by Success Coach
- Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,
I have a love challenge from Germany. I am a good-looking 29 year-old physician.
I recently put an ad plus my photo on a singles website and a beautiful 26-year-old
teacher answered it. Without asking her, she sent me her picture and phone number
with her second e-mail. We later exchanged more photos and talked for hours a couple
of times on the phone. She complimented my good looks, nice voice, etc. and told
me she was dying to meet me.
The problem is that we live about 800 kilometers apart. Fortunately, I planned
to be at a business conference near her hometown a week later. Together, we planned
that I would visit her and we would spend the weekend together.
We had not talked with each other for two weeks (I had been very busy), but this
morning; I called her to see if everything was set. In response, she asked me to
call her back a half an hour later because she was having breakfast! I know I should
have asked her to call me back, but I`m a gentleman so I called her. Unfortunately,
nobody answered!
I left the following message on her answering machine: "Listen, I don`t like
playing games. Call me today so I can make plans for the upcoming weekend." Well,
she did not call me, but about eight hours later, I received an e-mail telling me
that she was having the most stressful period in her job right now and that she
was moving into and renovating a new apartment and she could not make it for the
weekend. She offered to invite me in a few weeks when everything was set in her
life and expressed her regrets if she would lose me due to this incident. Strange
creature, isn`t she?
How should I react to her, Doc?
Heinz - who wants to know if he should try again
Hi Heinz,
Strange creature is an understatement! You asked her out well in advance of the
date and she neglected to mention that she was changing homes that day. How convenient.
99% of the time when someone moves, they think about the momentous day months before
it arrives. Your girl apparently forgot all about it until the last minute. What
a great opportunity to tell you a whopper!
So she told you she was smitten after seeing a picture of you and hearing your
voice a few times on the telephone - Heinz, that`s not the same thing as falling
in love with you (It amazes me how guys fall for lines from people they haven`t
even met.). In order for true love to occur, you have to pass the Physical Attraction
Test, which requires an assessment of your body language and physical appearance
- in other words, she has to meet you in person. Her willingness to verbalize high
Interest Level with a virtual person should have given you a clue that something
was rotten in the state of Germany.
You didn`t take into account, Heinz, that when it comes to the personals, there
are two types of women. One - the woman who is sincerely looking for a relationship
and will thus give you a fair shot. And two - the game player, who leads poor schleps
on through e-mail messages and telephone conversations (The Internet and Telephone
Time Waster). The trick is to find the first type, while avoiding the second type.
Heinz, you got a few photos and some expensive phone bills, but you never got
a date, so which camp do you think that puts your girl in? As my cousin Rabbi Love
would ask: "Is this such a tough question?"
When a guy works the personals he must get to the Short Date (meeting briefly
for coffee) ASAP. If, after exchanging photos and a phone call, she drags her feet
about a face-to-face meeting, then you are talking to a woman who only loves male
attention from afar. As The Reality Factor says - when there is reluctance on a
woman`s part, there is low Interest Level. Simple, huh?
The best part of your letter was your girl`s breakfast stunt. "Call back in a
half an hour" is Womanese for, "Call back when I`m sure I will have left the house!"
Or worse: "Call back when I`m sure my boyfriend and I will have left the house!"
By falling for this ruse, you gave up Self-control and proved that you weren`t as
much a gentleman as you were a weak man. The truth is, if she really had high Interest
Level, she would have tossed her breakfast into the garbage disposal because love
is more important to women than food! She really worked you over on this one, while
simultaneously giving you the kiss of death.
She didn`t "regret losing you" - in fact, she was planning on it! Apparently,
someone else came into her life and since she had gotten tired of playing with you,
it was time to move on. Heinz, you don`t really think this was the first time she
has played this game, do you? If you do, I got some swampland on the Rhine to sell
you!
This girl has neither the Interest Level nor the consideration to make her worth
pursuing. Count yourself lucky to have found this out sooner rather than later.
If this thought doesn`t console you, then consider this, Heinz: you two didn`t even
meet, so there is no real reason to take her rejection personally. As far as you`re
concerned, she rejected a stranger.
Your experience proves my point, Heinz - spending hours conversing with a woman
in cyberspace or incessantly shooting the bull with her over the phone is a waste
of time. You may think something is going on, but in reality, it means absolutely
nothing. Why? Because until you meet eyeball to eyeball, you are still strangers.
Guys - when using the personals follow The "System" and don`t let anyone waste
your time. Remember that even with love the clock is always ticking.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit
me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644. Copyright DocLove Dot Com
Doc Love is a talk show host and
entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he
has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
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