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The Confidence Game - By Mark SilverThe Business Heart eZine?The Confidence Game It happened again today. Twice. I heard clients say, "Well, I just have to trust." or "I just have to be confident." I myself have done it a thousand times. Most business books I`ve read say the same thing: You have to be passionate! You have to let them know what you are promising. You have to have confidence in yourself. The trouble is, sometimes we aren`t confident, or we aren`t passionate. What if you`ve been in your business less than three years? Even in an experienced "well-aged" business, you may be starting a new venture, something you haven`t tried before. At these times, trying to have confidence is actually playing a "con" fidence game on yourself. So how do you have confidence in these situations. Here`s the answer: you don`t. When we talk about confidence, or trust, what we`re really talking about is faith. And I make a distinction between faith and belief. Believing something is when you have a mental understanding, "I believe this can work. I believe we`ll succeed." Faith is a full-body knowing, it IS the certainty. It IS the trust. You don`t have to have it, you just do. How do you get there? Through experience, and only through experience. Imagine you`ve never seen a chair before, and you suddenly get a nice, new wicker one. Someone tells you it will hold you up comfortably if you sit in it, and you believe them. But something in you is still a little nervous. You go to sit in it, and, because it`s wicker, it creaks a little. Is it going to break? Will I fall down? You stand up quickly, and check it out. Yet, after sitting in it several times, you have faith that it will hold you up- you KNOW it won`t fall down, and that when it creaks, that`s normal. You don`t trust until you trust. And until you let yourself be authentic with your lack of trust, there is always a part of you that will say "I`m NOT going to trust." When you allow yourself to be authentic with not trusting, then you can suddenly change from digging your heels in, "No WAY!" to making it what I call `a sincere question:` which is "Can I trust?" Having a sincere question rather than digging in your heels, means that you are open to exploring and finding out- that you can begin to learn to have confidence. When I worked in another coaching company, I kept thinking "I have to be confident," and would market myself relentlessly, trying to be confident. And I looked confident, I sounded confident, but I didn`t feel confident. And, you know what, I had very few clients. People knew I wasn`t confident. When I started Heart of Business?, I realized I wasn`t confident, even though I was excited. I believed it would work, but I hadn`t sat in the chair enough times to know. So, I tagged my first seminar "An EXPLORATION into business for the entrepreneurial heart." I couldn`t yet promise the results I wanted to, but I knew I could take them somewhere. Now, after having taught the class more than two dozen times, I know what it does. I know how it supports people. And I can promise people a "transformation" rather than an "exploration." How did I get there? I gave myself the room to be in an exploration- "Does this work?" until I could say with certainty "This works, no question." At that point attendance went up, prices went up, profitability went up, results went WAY up. But I had to get there. So, the best way to build that confidence? Make space for the part of yourself that doesn`t yet know enough to be confident. And let yourself explore. ---------------------------------------- Keys to Confidence? If you would like to be more confident, be more confident with what is already true for you. That is, if you`re not feeling confident, be clear and confident about THAT. "Well, folks, I`m not sure if this going to work, but let`s have fun seeing if it does." ? If you are paralyzed by the need for confidence, take some time with your heart to find out what do you think you would gain by having confidence. Would it gain you acceptance? Safety? Love? Ask your heart the question, and be willing to be surprised by the answer. Instead of going directly for the confidence, get what your heart is needing now, through a practice like the Remembrance, or meditation. ? Take a deep breath. And again. Invariably the nervousness that accompanies a lack of confidence also keeps up from breathing. It sounds simple, but you just can`t accomplish very much without oxygen. best to you, Mark Silver Since 1999, Mark Silver, owner of Heart of Business, has worked with hundreds of entrepreneurs, small business owners, and corporate managers in the areas of marketing, money, communications, and just plain doing well in business. He combines Sufi healing principles with practical entrepreneurial experience and skills to help you make a real difference and a healthy profit without losing your heart. He offers a free workbook, Getting to the Core of Your Business, through his website. Golf anybody? - By Frank J. Peter, editor at LearnAboutGolf.comGolf is a great game: sometimes rewarding, often frustrating but highly addictive. Getting started in it is actually not so difficult, and hopefully this article can help you avoid some of the common pitfalls.The very first steps. The biggest mistake by people wanting to start in golf is to rush out and buy a brand new set of shiny and expensive golf clubs. While they are nice to look at you should keep in mind that today?s golf equipment comes in great varieties to cater for different golfing types and abilities. Since you`re just starting out you do not know which set fits you best. Just imagine the envious looks you get at the driving range when you come with your $2000 set, and the subsequent laughter when you try and just `hack away` - not worth the embarrassment! Once you spend a few hundred or even thousand $$ on a set that doesn`t suit your style you`re stuck with it or you have to sell it to somebody else at a loss. If you feel you want your own clubs get a half set. This generally comprises five irons and perhaps two woods and a putter. Usually the irons are the odd numbers 3,5,7,9 and wedge. These clubs are more than enough to get you started. A better alternatively: most Driving Ranges will have clubs for hire, so you can try out a few different ones. You can also borrow one or two clubs from a friend. The shortest iron (nine iron) or a wedge are the best clubs to start, practicing with it will give you the feeling of hitting the ball in the air and should be fairly straight forward. Where to get golf clubs? Most Pro shops and driving ranges sell second hand clubs. They will also be able to offer you advice and let you try some clubs out. Alternatively, nearly all driving ranges will have clubs for hire if you want to have a go without committing to a set until you get the hang of it. Or ask other people at the driving range, you will soon find out that many have another set of clubs at home because they made the exact same mistakes I mentioned above. Make sure you try before you buy, if they fit (and only if they fit!) you can often get them for a steal. I again stress that you need to have a basic understanding on which club suits you reasonably well before you buy. DO NOT buy expensive brands at this stage. "I want to play, I want to play!" As hard as it will be to contain yourself, don`t even contemplate going anywhere near a golf course. Golf is technically quite demanding, and without at least some basic training you`ll end up with a lot of frustration. You`ve seen the top players on TV loosing their cool in frustration, imagine how you will feel if not even a single shot goes where you want it to. Besides, the other people having to wait for you will also not be happy. As a beginner at the great game of golf, start off at a driving range, take at least four or five lessons, learn the fundamentals, progress to a 9 hole course and eventually venture out into the great unknown of an 18 hole golf course. Believe me, it will be a lot more fun for you and those around you if you follow this path. Where to get lessons? You will meet plenty of people at the range who will teach you the `innermost secrets` of golf. Fact is that most of them have started playing not long before you. So the answer to the above question is: go to a Professional. As you have seen on TV, even the world?s top players have a coach. Tiger Woods, probably the best golfer the world, still takes lessons. Certified Golf Professionals are the only people qualified to teach you how to play the game. Lessons from a Pro will cost you money but will be the best investment you`ll ever make. Taking the advise from the `know-it-all` people at the range will likely screw-up your game at the very early stage, and it will take a long time to correct the faults later. The two places to get golf lessons are at driving ranges and golf clubs. You don`t have to be a member of a club to get a lesson from the Pro. You bring in money, so they will be glad to help. The usual cost is about $25-40 per 45 min, but you will get reductions for a block booking. If you are a bit on the budget see if they do group bookings, those are also cheaper than individual lessons. What else to do? Books and videos can be invaluable in learning the basics. To build a sound golf swing you will need the three fundamentals: Grip, Stance and Posture. There are some very good books and videos on the market that will help you to establish the three fundamentals. And watch the Pro`s on the TV, or better still video them and play back in slow motion, you`ll learn a lot this way. Don`t get blinded by too much science, you`re still a beginner. Stick to Grip, Stance and Posture and you`ll be on your way. Take a look at the golf tips and golf lessons on our website ?LearnAboutGolf.com? for some advice as well. Summary 1. Don`t waste your money on expensive clubs until you have reached a basic level of competency. 2. Don`t go near a Golf Course, again until you have reached a basic level. 3. Get lessons from a qualified professional. 4. Learn the three fundamentals 5. Watch the Pro`s. 6. Practice. 7. Learn the rules of golf and the basic golf etiquette. I hope that this article has been of some help to avoid costly mistakes many people made, including myself. Follow the above basics and you are on your way to all the fun (and frustration) golf can offer. Enjoy! Frank Peter is the editor and webmaster of learnaboutgolf.com where he offers valuable tips for beginners and intermediates in Golf. To find more advice, lessons and resources to help you succeed in your game, visit: http://www.learnaboutgolf.com Project index
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