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Do Men who Understand Women have a Game Plan? - by Doc LoveGuys, are you dating someone special and you don`t want to lose her like all the others? Are you getting bad vibes because your girlfriend of six months only gets migraines when you try to kiss her goodnight at her doorstep? Does it bother you that your wife is meeting too many perverts in chat rooms on the Internet?
And to you Moms: Do you have a good son or nephew with a big heart and a big job but he is an idiot with women? Is your overgrown baby on his third divorce and hasn`t a clue? Do half of your grandkids live in another state with bikers, drinking Coors instead of milk? If these apply to you, you`re in luck, because there is a new sheriff in town. Do you know what men do that women don`t? They fight reality in two areas of their lives. One, they don`t ask for directions when lost; and two, more importantly, they think that all women are illogical and inconsistent. But these men never ask themselves: "Why is it that certain guys never seem to get rejected by women or face Divorce Court?" or: "Could I be repeating mistakes from woman to woman that I am not aware of?" or the best: "Is it possible that women`s choices in men are consistent?" Successful men know that happiness in romantic relationships is not due to luck - it`s due to using reliable principles and having a plan. Bill Gates doesn`t "wing it" when deciding which software market to enter - he has a business plan. If you want to be successful in your long-term romantic relationship, you can`t leave them up to chance, or to astrology, or to the other love doctors who all come from a female perspective - you need a plan to help you keep Miss Right mesmerized. The principles that you will get from my column will guide you the way a Thomas Bros. Map guides a U.P.S. driver to his destination. Guys, if what you`ve tried with women is only driving your emotions around in circles and bringing you pain instead of ecstasy, allow my principles be your roadmap instead. The first concept that I will define is what I call The Reality Factor. It says: "Things are the way they are. If you go against reality, reality works against you, resulting in pain." For example, let`s say that you decided one day that there is no Gravity, so you jump off the Empire State Building. While in the air, you can believe what you want, but when you hit the pavement, you will realize that you went against reality, resulting in extreme bodily pain. Or another example: You speed down the 5 Freeway at 120 mph at 2 a.m. with the lights off, the Reality Factor says you will experience the pain of having to defend yourself in court. Or another example: your female dates ask you to call back before the date to "verify," and for some strange reason, these "call back to verify" dates only end with the dual pains of frustration and disappointment. Men in successful relationships move with reality, they don`t fight it. Men, who constantly experience the pangs of rejection, propose marriage on the first date - over and over and over again. Rejection, man`s most despised emotion, is the woman`s way of telling you, "You turn me off." Read this column every week and you will never go through this painful experience again, because from now on, the Reality Factor will be your friend, not your nemesis. The kissing cousin of the Reality Factor is the Bottom Line Factor, which states that: "Only a woman`s actions truly reflect her feelings toward you." Men who are ignorant of this powerful concept rationalize a woman`s slights and put-downs. For example, let`s say Caprice breaks a date with Tom. That week, Tom thinks up 144 possible rosy scenarios of why she broke her word. He didn`t think of Reason 145, the only one that counts, which states that Caprice has zero interest in him (Dating Rule No. 1: Women with high Interest always keep dates.). The Bottom Line Factor also says that if Tom were reflective and had thought about it, he would have asked himself how many dates he has broken in his life. Answer? (Hint: less than one.) If, after some psychological detective work, Tom had discovered that Caprice broke the date because her father did not give her a bicycle on her tenth birthday like he had promised; it still wouldn`t have made a difference. The Bottom Line Factor says that if she breaks the date, she is not interested in Tom. Sadly, most men call back for another beating rather than utilize The Bottom Line Factor. If you never want to be a guest on the Jerry Springer show, then allow me protect your heart. If you are a guy who wants to keep Miss Right forever, and not share her with her good-looking boss or lose her in divorce court - then please allow me to be your relationship coach. Starting in two weeks, I will answer all of your romantic love questions from a man`s perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question - one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and don`t ramble. Visit me at www.doclove.com or 800-404-2644. In this article, we covered my definitions of the Reality Factor and The Bottom Line Factor, which support my approach to successful relationships. In next week`s article, I will cover the three factors that make or break a successful long-term romantic relationship. Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Copyright DocLove DotCom Ending the When-Then Game - By Irette PattersonSometimes we play games with ourselves to avoid takingresponsibility for our lives. There`s the they`re-just-lucky game and the if-I-only-had-blah game. My favorite game, however, is the when-then game. When I get a better job, then I`ll take vacations. When I squeeze more time from my schedule, then I`ll start to exercise. When I get the perfect job, then I`ll become the perfect employee. You get the picture. The problem is that this is a game no one can win because it operates in the future which does not exist while ignoring whatever is going on in the present. In the terrific book "How to Get What You Want in Life With the Money You Already Have," author Carol Keeffe blows apart the common when- then game involving money. Keeffe encourages us to funnel money to what we want now if it`s only our spare change in a piggy bank for a vacation. She repeats over and over in her book to start small. By taking a small action today, we can succeed immediately which will inspire us to greater success. That kind of thinking works with more than just money. The singer-songwriter Jana Stanfield says, "I got tired of waiting for my big break in show-biz, so I just went on without it." So far she`s written a book published by Writer`s Digest, shared the stage with Deepak Chopra and had one of her songs recorded by Reba McEntire. Not bad for someone you`ve probably never heard of, huh? M. Night Shyamalan, the writer and director of "Signs," started making films in high school. James Redfield self- published "The Celestine Prophecy" before it was picked up by a major publisher. All of these people started where they were and with what they had. So how can you gather the courage? A great suggestion by Barbara Sher in her book "Live The Life You Love" is to pick a sample goal - a project that you test your goal setting skills on. It can be anything from taking a vacation to landing a new job. Whatever it is consider the following steps: 1. Write down what you think you want. I say that because what you think you want and what you actually want may be two different things. Maybe you think you want a relaxing vacation at a beach resort, yet every time you`ve enjoyed yourself on vacation you`re all over the historic sites, snapping pictures and asking the park ranger questions every five minutes. The resort sounds good, but what`s the reality for you? 2. Write down what you really want. Whatever you`ve decided on, when did you have the best time in relation to the subject? For example, let`s say you want to take a vacation. What was the best vacation you took? What are the things you would like to recreate for this vacation like the accommodations, ground transportation, dining, activities? For a job, it would be the job duties, benefits, supervisor, co-workers, commuting time and so on. Write this down. 3. Have an imaginary conversation with your best friend. Close your eyes and pretend you`re talking with your best friend after you`ve reached your goal and are giving them all the details about the vacation, job, computer, cabaret act, whatever. You`re smiling and excited and they`re happy for you because they`re your best friend. And they`re asking questions. They want details. Supply them. Then write it down. This also works with a tape recorder if you`re not much of a writer. 4. Get a designated place to keep all your information. It could be a file, a notebook or a three-ring binder but you`ll need somewhere to keep all your information concerning this subject. Put your writings in this place along with any additional research. Keeping a journal of daily actions is also a good idea. 5. Research. You should have a clear vision of your goal so research should be a whole lot easier now that you know what you`re looking for. The trick with research is whatever you`re looking for you`ll probably find. If you have it in your brain that a certain type of vacation is expensive, you`ll probably find information confirming that. You`ll find it because you won`t even think of putting the word "budget" in an Internet search engine during your research phase. 6. Study Success. It sounds obvious, but how many of us pay attention to the naysayers instead of the success stories? For the sake of this experiment, only pay attention and pattern yourself after the people who have succeeded in whatever you want to do. What did they do? How did they act? 7. Bit by Bit. Each day take one small action toward your goal. It`s easier if you take more than one step. The more small steps you take each day, the less important each step will become in your mind. For example, it may be scary to make that first phone call asking for additional information concerning an audition. After you`ve made three calls a day for a month, however, it`s old hat. The quickest way through fear is through it. 8. Money Talks. Consider paying yourself to take action if nothing else motivates you. I pay myself $1 a day to exercise and put the money in my Fun Fund. Each day I take my lunch to work, $3 goes in my Travel Fund. It`s working great so far. 9. Consider efficient action. While you`re taking action, it`s a good idea to keep track of what gives you the most benefit so you can continue to get more bang for your buck, er, action. It`s also a good way to practice detachment. You`re interested in getting the best results. If something doesn`t work out, you discard it and look for the best and quickest way to achieve your goal. 10. Measure Your Success. Measure your success by internal standards. What did you do today that you couldn`t have done yesterday? What have you learned? How do you best pursue a goal? In this moment you can be the person you always wanted to become simply by deciding to. You can decide to put the when-then game aside and start living your life in the now. Irette Patterson is an author, speaker and coach committed to helping creative folks love their lives, live their dreams and use every advantage they`ve got. To subscribe to her semimonthly newsletter, send a blank email to: spiritatplaybookreviews-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Project index
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