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The Power of the Present Moment - By Joseph Mathews
The Power of the Present Moment
?Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by day, in all
the thousand small, uncaring ways.?
Stephen Saint Vincent Benet
Guiding Principle:
Live today well.
Objective:
To learn how to relate to time in a way that generates a positive sense of priority,
urgency and action.
I am blessed by having several ?soul mate? quality friends and one of these soul
mates is Dan. When Dan and I became friends, he and his wife Christine had been
married for ten years.
Two years earlier, Christine had been in the hospital to have her gall bladder
removed. After the operation, the surgeon informed them that although Christine?s
gall bladder operation was a success, in the process he discovered that Christine
had cancer. The cancer had advanced, attacking and destroying most of her major
internal organs. There was nothing more that the doctor could do. He projected that
Christine had about two more years to live.
After a period of brokenhearted shock, Dan and Christine quickly regrouped, committing
to do the most with the little time they had left together. They spoke simply and
directly with each other, for miscommunication wasted time. They spoke openly and
honestly, for pretense wasted time. They loved and forgave, for judging and resenting
wasted time. Rather than wallow in self-pity, Dan and Christine invested time in
being present to the simple joy of being alive.
Dan?s personal breakthroughs carried over into his professional life. Over the
next two years his career thrived and his income almost doubled. I asked Dan, ?How
do you keep your spirits up and remain so productive?? He replied, ?After Christine
is gone I will have plenty of time to be sad. She helps me to focus on the time
we still have together and not on what will happen in the future.? Dan said that
they are committed to completing their relationship with no regrets.
Dan and Christine did not invest their time brooding over what their lives could
have been. Instead they lived moment to moment, accepting and making the most out
of what was. Dan has taught me that the ability to live above my current circumstances
comes from my accepting these circumstances exactly as they are, without wishing
that they were any other way. Dan and Christine didn?t merely live above their circumstances,
they soared above them.
Christine related to having cancer the same way that other people relate to having
freckles. Her cancer wasn?t bad; it just was.
Because Christine was so accepting of her disease, I felt comfortable asking
her, ?What is it like for you to wake up every morning knowing that you are so close
to death??
Without thinking she responded to me with another question, ?Joe, what is it
like for you to wake up every morning pretending that you aren?t??
She continued to say that when she finally accepted and embraced death, she experienced
life. She saw life as a priceless and precious gift that other people were afraid
to open. She possessed a screaming desire to tell people to rip open the box and
enjoy what is inside. She told me that when she tries to get that message across
to people, they don?t seem to get it. I decided that I wasn?t going to be one of
them.
Inside of Christine?s words I heard the words of King Solomon who once said,
?Death is the destiny of every man. The living should take this to heart.? I finally
understood why contemplating your own death was not morbid, but wise. Death creates
a deadline, a deadline creates urgency, urgency creates action, and action produces
results. Wise people often consider that they just moved closer to their own death
and then they take action on the things that matter and produce great results in
those areas.
Although we spoke briefly a few times over the phone, I had only met Christine
one time before she died. What you read was the extent of our only face to face
conversation. I was a stranger when Christine challenged me with her probing question,
?What is it like living your life pretending you aren?t about to die?? However,
Christine didn?t have time for strangers. She was dying, so she forged close friendships
at warp speed.
Dan later told me that although Christine wasn?t afraid of dying, she was afraid
that few people were going to attend her funeral because her life didn?t make a
difference.
My wife Mari and I attended Christine?s funeral. The people whom Christine expected
to attend were there.
There were also well over a hundred people whom she hadn?t expected. At her funeral
everyone who chose to had an opportunity to share what Christine meant to them.
Many spoke, and most of them had only met Christine during that brief time when
she was ill. They all recalled similar conversations with Christine about taking
a risk and experiencing the gift of life. Through Christine?s impassioned sharing,
these people got it. Here is your opportunity to get it too.
Consider for a second that your life is a basketball game. You are standing on
the court and your game clock is ticking. God is the timekeeper and He will not
stop the game clock. At some point the buzzer will sound and your game will be over.
Look around and see how others are playing the game. Some people play as if they
are frozen; they hold the ball and are afraid to shoot.
Others pass the ball, hoping someone else will shoot the ball for them. Still
others simply sit on the bench, either living inside the empty promise of ?I?ll
get into the game someday? or waiting for their clock to run out with no expectation
of ever playing. Make sure that none of these will be you.
Don?t waste your life just watching the clock tick or pretending that there is
no clock. Don?t hold the ball or pass the ball off to anyone else. Certainly don?t
sit on the bench, waiting for someone to give you permission to play your game.
This is your game to win or lose, so take a shot.
Heroes take a shot. As their ball soars through the air toward their intended
target, they experience the fullness of life. Victims hold the ball, pass the ball
off, sit on the bench, or take their ball and go home. They experience death by
compromise.
Consider that your game has only two certainties. The first certainty is that
you will miss 100% of the shots you do not take. The second is that your game will
end. If you were going to take a shot with your life, what would that shot be?
Consider that if you take that shot, you must learn to live with risk. If you
hold or pass the ball, you must learn to live with regret. If you sit on the bench
or take your ball and go home, you must learn to live with apathy.
Of risk, regret, and apathy, which are you now living with?
Dan and Christine elected to live each day with risk. They risked their hearts,
minds, feelings and fears for the committed stance that they took to ?love, honor
and cherish ?til death do us part.? As a reward, Dan reaped peace and prosperity.
Christine reaped a mental wellness that exceeded the limitations of her physical
illness.
Most people live in a great illusion perpetuated by the dishonest way that they
view time. Most people believe that time is comprised of the past (yesterdays),
the present (now) and the future (tomorrows). This is false because everything happens
in the present.
Yesterday is gone and cannot be altered, changed or impacted. We speak of tomorrow
as if it is on its way. We say things like, "there`s always tomorrow? or ?I?ll do
it someday?, as if we have a written guarantee of tomorrow and ?Someday? is the
eighth day of the week.
Tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow presents itself as today. The future arrives as
a string of current moments, a steady stream of ?nows.?
Therefore, all you have is now. All you have ever had is now. All you are guaranteed
is now. Your future is determined by every thought you have, every action you take,
every word you speak, and every task you complete now. If you are not taking action
now on what you say is important in your life and career, you are designing a future
now that guarantees that what you say is important never happens. You are setting
yourself up for a life of emptiness, resignation and regret. Wake up and cut it
out!
The purpose of this step is to radically shift your relationship with time from
what it is now to a tool to create a positive sense of urgency, priority and action.
You probably relate to time as if time is linear:
Yesterday >>> Tomorrow
You ?look back? on yesterday and you ?think ahead? to tomorrow. The time line
is a ?time lie,? for you do not live time in a line. Abandon your ?time lie? and
live the same time model that Dan and Christine mastered.
Now!
Coaching Exercises:
1. Carry around a pad or a day planner for one week. Record where you are spending
your time in 15-minute increments. Pay particular attention to and record unproductive
time spent on daydreaming, worrying, wishing things were or weren?t a certain way,
being angry or frustrated, complaining, being in a bad mood, and so forth. Analyze
where your individual moments are going.
o If you were to do something else with that time, how much more time would you
gain?
2. Imagine that today is the last day you will be alive. In that context, answer
the following questions:
o What would you do?
o Whom would you call and what would you say?
o What areas of your life are unfinished? What will it take to be finished?
o Do at least one of the activities that you said you would do, finish one of
your unfinished items, or make one of the calls that you said you would make and
say what needs to be said.
3. If you were going to ?take a shot? with your life or career, what would that
shot be?
o What would you need to risk if you took this shot?
o What has prevented you from taking that shot in the past?
o What is preventing you from taking that shot now?
4. Write down any insights you gained by doing these exercises.
5. Measure My Desired Result.
o What progress have you made?
o How can you use the lesson from this step to improve your results?
Joe Mathews is a 20 year veteran
of franchising, small business, and personal performance coaching. He is founder
and author of The Meaning of Life Project (www.meaningoflifeproject.com)
and founder and Head Coach of the Franchise Coaching Company (www.franchisecoach.net).
Joe resides in the beautiful Berkshire foothills of Litchfield, CT with the ones
who give his life meaning, purpose and direction: his wife Mari and his three children
Taylor, Michael, and Casey.
Laughing Toward Truth: Six Tips for Lighthearted Thinkers - By Maya Talisman
Frost
Do you believe in the power of your convictions?
It`s time to lighten up.
People love attaching themselves to ideas. We can get pretty feisty when one
of our beloved beliefs is challenged. We`re too busy defending to spend our time
analyzing.
Truth has a tendency to get in the way of our beliefs. We like having our rules
to live by, our reasons for feeling righteous, and our excuses for ending intellectual
exploration. Just as we climb up a ladder, we like counting on certain rungs to
hold steady. Thinking about cracks just makes us uneasy.
That approach works if your goal is to reach the top, but it doesn`t allow for
much examination or lateral growth. Plus, there`s always the risk that you`ll come
crashing down.
Quick quiz: What fills you with more satisfaction-- being right or discovering
the truth? Of course, the best scenario is discovering that you knew the truth all
along. Validation is a huge motivator. That`s why we find it more exhilarating to
win an argument than to learn more about the other side.
It`s kind of like that whole "life is about the journey" concept. The thrill
is in the seeking. We`ve forgotten that. It`s as though we went on a treasure hunt,
stumbled upon what we thought was the hidden booty, and now we`ve become complacent.
What if what you found wasn`t the real treasure? What if the whole point was
to keep looking?
Thinkers have been wrestling with the concept of truth for ages. Socrates was
fond of saying that there are only two kinds of beings who do not need philosophy:
the gods, who are already wise, and the fools, who think they are wise. We want
to be in that large middle group of people who recognize their lack of wisdom and
continue their quest for truth and knowledge.
It`s helpful to be reminded that our role as humans isn`t to figure things out--it`s
to KEEP ON figuring things out. Don`t take my word for it. Here are some truisms
about truth from some formidable thinkers.
#1 "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that
it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind,
a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible."
Bertrand Russell, British mathematician
Can`t think of any widely held absurd beliefs? You`re not trying hard enough!
Fashion, pop culture, politics, (gasp!) religion, and virtually every other arena
of modern life is full of examples of ideas that have somehow taken hold but defy
logic. Good Thinker rule number one is simply this: Never accept an idea just because
everyone else does.
#2 "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is
shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
Albert Einstein, American physicist
Leave it to Albert to maintain that crucial sense of humor and humility. The
more we know, the more we get a clue about how much we don`t know. At least, that`s
the way it`s supposed to work. You probably know people who haven`t quite come around
to that realization yet. Get there now. Accept it, celebrate it, and keep on thinking.
#3 "Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it."
Andre Gide, French writer
Your best bet is to hang out with those who are happy to admit that they don`t
have all the answers. As friends, co-workers and party guests, they tend to be a
lot more fun, anyway.
#4 "Chase after the truth like all hell and you`ll free yourself, even though
you never touch its coattails."
Clarence Darrow, American attorney
Play the game and have some fun with it, even if you never score. Remember playing
games with your friends way back when you were five? You didn`t have a clear sense
of the rules or even the point of the game, and neither did anyone else. It didn`t
matter. The reason you were playing was to simply enjoy the game, even if that meant
making it up as you went along.
Approach truth-seeking like a five-year-old playing a new game. Don`t get caught
up in the regulations, and don`t keep score. Who cares who`s winning?
#5 "And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least
once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least
one laugh."
Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher
Nietzsche saluted the creative force that feeds us. Despite a life of ill health
and misery, he recognized the value of joy in the seeking of truth. Most of us have
it a whole lot easier than Nietzsche. We have no excuse for not laughing.
#6 "Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this,
except that it ain`t so."
Mark Twain, American writer
Truth doesn`t rise to the surface. You`ve got to dig for it. Truth doesn`t automatically
rule; fallacies with excellent public relations campaigns tend to dominate in our
culture.
Truth isn`t easy, but it isn`t supposed to be. If you want to dive into the human
experience in all its glory, you`re going to be wading through a lot of ideas masquerading
as the truth.
Think for yourself, and have some fun with it. Look for truth in the unlikeliest
places. Find the absurdity in every idea.
The best philosophers have loads of laugh lines. Start creating yours. You`ll
become a better thinker, a happier truth-seeker, and a more excellent human.
Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse.
Her work has inspired thinkers in over 70 countries. She serves up a unique blend
of clarity, comfort and comic relief in her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage.
To subscribe, please visit http://www.massageyourmind.com.
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