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A Dream Inside of YOU - By Danish Ahmed
I know it`s hard to look up sometimes.I know it`s hard when everything is on
your mind.
It`s hard to play what some could call a game.
When we can`t even quit the game we chose to play.
But dreams come true
When you have people who believe in you.
Dreams can come to life
Your heart knows it all right.
A special dream saved for you
It`s right there, waiting for you.
How can we believe in destiny, when we don`t see the light?
How can we be the winner, when we can`t win this fight?
This could be our hardest moment - something we`ll never know.
How much more, can I have faith? How much more can I grow?
Dreams do come true
When we stop to see where we have come to.
Dreams can come to life
Your spirit will guide you tonight.
A special dream is now ready for you
See it, choose it, and live it with you.
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Danish Ahmed is turning heads in
the personal-growth movement by bringing the education of the industry down-to-Earth
-- by teaching from popular culture, like television, movies, music, and other current-day
media. Learn about Danish Ahmed at http://www.ordinarywords.com
Multicultural Chaos - By Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach
There we were, newly married, living thousands of miles from either of
our homes, in Durham, NC where he was in medical school. My husband was from Texas,
and I was from the North Shore of Chicago. We came from two different cultures ourselves,
and now were together in a new one. It turned out to be culture shock on top of
culture shock as we adjusted to each other, and to the cosmopolitan student body
at Duke Medical School.
CULTURE IS LEARNED
Culture is something we learn. It isn?t related to race or ethnicity, religion
or anything else, but it pulls from all those groups, and, especially if we?ve only
lived in one place, moved only in one social group, and/or haven?t been exposed
to other cultures, we tend to think of our own culture as sacred. However, so does
the other person!
As we move into an exciting new world of global interaction, there are going
to be culture clashes. Let?s continue looking at this through my Thanksgiving Tale.
THE PLAYERS
The first Thanksgiving came around and friends from New England invited us over
along with 6 other couples. Guests included a man from the Dominican Republic married
to a woman from Spain; a couple from Missouri; a New York man married to a woman
from Brazil; two French Canadians from Quebec; and two Australians who were not
medical students, but neighborhood friends. Religions represented were Protestant,
Catholic and Jewish. And, I should add, it included men and women.
As friends do, we all talked among ourselves both before the event, during and
after. A lot of it had to do with figuring out what was going on with all these
nationalities represented. We split into factions about what was ?right? and what
was ?wrong,? often changing sides with different issues.
TIME & COMMUNICATION
?Why noon?? my husband asked. ?When are we eating?? My husband liked everything
organized with no surprises. I was more flexible, but willing to dive in and explore,
so I called the hostess. ?It?s buffet,? she said. I fished around for more information,
like when were we expected to leave, and could I bring anything, hoping she?d reveal
the menu. Her answers were typically New England, short and terse.
?You didn?t find out anything?? my husband asked, when I returned empty-handed.
?She didn?t volunteer anything,? I said. ?I did the best I could.?
?Why didn?t you just ask her the questions outright?? he said.
?Because that?s rude,? I said.
?You?re too polite,? he replied.
?Then next time you call,? I said.
?That?s the woman?s job,? he replied.
We and the Missourians arrived at noon:11, which was our cultural dictate; a
few minutes late to allow the host and hostess to make last minute adjustments,
but no more than 15. The French Canadians and the Australians arrived about 30 minutes
later. The couples that included a Latino arrived an hour or two after noon.
?How rude,? said the New Yorker. ?How are we supposed to be able to plan? What
do you do when you invite the Gonzalvos over??
?Relax,? said the Australians. ?We?ve all got kids. Things happen.?
The French Canadians spoke to each other in French, obviously disliking tardiness,
then smiled and told us, ?Isn?t this a wonderful Thanksgiving,? avoiding dissension.
The Latinos didn?t appear to notice their wandering in was anything out of the
ordinary They were busy hugging everyone and having a good time!
How we treat time varies greatly among cultures. We had had our cocktail hour
by the time the Latinos arrived, and were ready to eat, but felt they should have
time for a drink and some chatting also. It was an awkward moment. Somewhere also
there was a football game involved, the timing of which got messed up.
?Don?t worry about the football game,? said the Dominican. ?This is Thanksgiving.?
?Thanksgiving IS the football game,? my husband said to me, soto voce, angry
over that and also because he hadn?t had any food.
THE ATTIRE
Everyone from the medical school contingent was dressed up, and in festive apparel.
The Australians were in blue jeans. The social group also has a pull.
FOOD
At last we were invited to the buffet table. To me, it?s a big part of the event,
and I was aghast. Boiled onions in a cream sauce, a turnip casserole, a ham, tart
cranberries just crushed and sitting in a bowl ? where was the turkey, the stuffing,
the sweet cranberry jelly? I don?t even remember what the dessert was, but it?s
for sure it wasn?t the Ambrosia my Texas-mother fixed, or the Mince Meat pie my
British-ancestored father demanded.
A conversation ensued about who has what for Thanksgiving, some of us trying
to convince the non-American participants of what Thanksgiving was ?really? like,
i.e., not like this, but also not agreeing among ourselves.
My husband and I went home feeling we hadn?t had a Thanksgiving. I didn?t get
the meal, he didn?t get the football game.
THE GRACE
Approaching the table, someone suggested a prayer of Thanksgiving. The host (the
highest status male present) looked surprise so we all turned toward the most known-religious
man in the room. However, the host evidently decided it was his job, and began a
grace. I looked around. Some had their heads bowed in prayer; others were looking
around the room, ill-at-ease.
AMBIANCE
When they first walked into the house, the US participants looked around as if
something was missing. What was missing? There were no Thanksgiving decorations.
Nor was there a host; the hosts? child opened the door and we went hunting for the
couple.
?I miss my dad,? the Missouri woman told me, an oblique reference to the greeting-situation.
?He always greeted guests so warmly, with a hug and a big smile at the front door.?
The Dominican-Spain couple missed music and dancing. ?In my country we dance
after dinner,? he said. ?Here, you sit and fall asleep.?
He and the gentleman from Australia also stayed in the room where the women were
after dinner; the rest of the guys went off to the rec room.
AFTERGLOW
Conversations continued after the event. The upshot was we?d had a good time,
good company, and didn?t wish to appear ungrateful, but we all were left feeling
?homesick.? Next year we?d do our own Thanksgivings, we agreed.
However, the next year my husband and I found ourselves in the car Thanksgiving
Day, on the way over to the house of a Pakistani couple.
?Why on earth would they invite us over for Thanksgiving?? my husband asked.
?It?s an American holiday.?
?I think it?s nice,? I said. ?They?re going to live in the US and they want to
join in and learn new ways. I just hope we have turkey.?
?I just better get to watch the game this year,? he added, ominously.
Over the chicken makhani and ras malai, unfortunately served during the last
quarter of the football game, the Japanese woman on my right said, ?So this is how
you celebrate Thanksgiving here.?
CULTURAL CHAOS
Interacting with other cultures is challenging, and requires a lot of emotional
intelligence. It requires flexibility, creativity, empathy and interpersonal skills,
plus a lot of understanding and a sense of humor. It forces us to focus on what?s
really important ? the people or the details? It also brings us to a greater awareness
of what our own culture is.
Emotional intelligence relies on self-awareness and then other-awareness and
finding the common ground, with optimism. Global emotional intelligence relies on
own-culture-awareness, then other-culture-awareness, and then finding the common
ground with optimism.
Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach (http://www.susandunn.cc
offers emotional intelligence coaching to individuals and businesses; distance learning;
EQ Alive! (http://www.eqcoach.net) - the tools
and training you need to COACH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, with classes starting monthly.
Mail to sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines
[put EQ Work or EQ Personal, or both, for subject line] and FREE Strengths course
[put "strengths" for subject line.]
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