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Three nightmares - short storyLiterary Review , Fall, 1995 by Ilan Stavans, Harry MoralesTo remember Betzi is to invoke three nightmares, with their interludes. None of them give enough details about our relationship, I know. Perhaps they even hide its significance. The truth is that I don`t understand details either. Living with Betzi was a way of functioning for me. While we were together, her kisses and caresses would awaken delightful feelings. I would turn over my realm if I could prolong them. But then came the shower of disagreements. We shouted at each other, cursed at each other, contradicted each other and everything turned into chaos. I stopped understanding. Today I`m cured of the caresses, but not of the dreams. It all started when I irresponsibly lost my wedding ring. It was a plain gold ring. We had bought it at a small, cramped downtown jewelry store. I couldn`t remember when and where I misplaced it. In the office? During lunch? I looked for it until I was exhausted and returned home feeling ashamed, with the intention of explaining to Betzi what had happened. She was furious and let out a scream as big as the world. I apologized. What could I do? While I did promise to look for it more thoroughly, I never thought the incident could have such connotations. Well, the first nightmare occurred the following night, after an exciting game of poker. Several friends of mine and I had gathered together at home. We bought whiskey, tequila, and appetizers that the maid improved with cheese, onions, and dip. We drank quite a bit. It was after midnight. Betzi had arrived home late from the office and in a bad mood. She seemed to have springs in her face and a grumpy, stony grimace. The alcohol was starting to go to my hea d. I was dizzy and had the vague sensation I was drowning in a fish tank. Packs of cards would go. Come back. Noise. The piercing rattling of two bottles that would shatter. Cigarette smoke. I wanted to vomit and, excusing myself, ran to the bathroom and locked myself in for fifteen minutes. For exactly fifteen minutes I threw up my stomach. The light bulb over the mirror hurt my eyes. I felt chills. Betzi was shouting at me, saying, "Are you all right, Messeguer?" "Yes," I replied, feeling embarrassed. (Now that I think about it, I know that Betzi controlled me like a witch.) Later on she knocked on the door. I opened it, she looked at me and ran into the dining room where my friends were. "Someone go to the drug store," she said. "I need a bottle of milk of magnesia for Messeguer . . ." How embarrassing! Getting drunk is one of the hardest challenges a man can undergo . . . and I had failed. How long had it been since I last drank? Long enough to lose my resistance . . . to become a child again. To be hones t, I would have wanted to vomit my discomfort at Betzi. A shower wouldn`t have done me any harm, but I didn`t even manage to open the faucet. I waited for Betzi to come and cure me. I later came out of the bathroom and collapsed on the sofa. My friends disappeared. Had the game ended? In my cotton-filled eardrums the voices sounded like squeaking rats, like rusty locks. That was when I had the nightmare that woke me in a single bound. Hours had gone by. Betzi was in the bedroom. I walked up the stairs. The room was dark. Depressed, I slipped into bed between the sheets. "Very quiet, aren`t you?" she stammered. My heart trembled. "Arrhythmia," I replied. "My lungs hurt. My heart beats too fast. It was those appetizers that the maid served. They provoked a horrible nightmare." She turned the lamp on. "Talk to me," she said. I resisted. "Relax . . . now, now . . .," she said, soothing me. "You`re nervous. You lost your rhythm. What happened?" Then I told her the sequence of the dream: I was in a grayish room, wi th very high walls, frozen. Actually, it wasn`t a room but a warehouse. Or a refrigerator. One of those old refrigerators that smell damp because the owner forgot to clean it. I felt I was suffocating. I looked for some window or door, an area in which I could breathe. Nothing. Why was I encased in that box? In the center of the box there was a wooden bench. Should I sit down? I walked around in circles, without direction, like a madman. I walked around the bench. Suddenly, a uniformed guard, wearing gloves, a helmet with a visor, and boots, appeared at the corner. His pupils followed the outline of my heels, the joints of my knees. One, two . . . One, two . . . One, two . . . Absurd situation. One, two . . . One, two . . . I would approach him, but he would back away. Surely he was prohibited to mingle with the prisoners. With gloves on, his hands held up his belt . . . or perhaps his belt held up his hands. He had a hairy, curved mustache. "Listen," I told him. But he would ignore me. Nearby I discovered a briefcase. It was inexpensive, conventional, and Italian-made, with a greenish-yellow band on the side. Surely it hadn`t been there before. I was intrigued by its contents. But before I even had the chance to approach it, an abominable monster, a strange medusa, sprung out of its interior. Transparent. It had a dozen tentacles on each side of its body, and wore jewelry. Pearls and rings with diamonds, hindu gems and rubies were hanging from its nose, ears, and long hair. But it wasn`t hair that flourished on its head: it was cables, miles of multicolored cables of different calibers. A moldy, rotten and ridiculous-looking sight. Its long, blackish eyelashes were surrounded by electric bulbs. It was a mechanical medusa that vomited (like me in the bathroom), not stomach residue but semen. It spit semen when it spoke while its tentacles oscillated happily, to and fro, contracting like worms. "Benito Messeguer, we`ve decided on your sentence." He was saying my name, which implied that he knew who I was. "You hav e one week to present three letters of recommendation." Three letters? Why? Addressed to whom? "Messeguer, think about what I`m saying. This isn`t a joke. Your life is in danger. You lost that ring and deserve the worst punishments. We want to help you. We want you to bring those letters. Through those letters we can prove you deserve to go on living interminably . . . to continue being Benito Messeguer . . . Understand?" No, I didn`t understand. I hadn`t even realized the connection between the refrigerator and the ring. "This is a nightmare. Do you know what a nightmare is? We receive reports of bad behavior. You`re just like everyone else, Messeguer, and then some. We won`t allow serious depravity. Would you like to continue being Benito Messeguer? Very well then . . ., commit yourself!" I was confused. What were they accusing me of? "It`s advisable that you not be too clever. People like you deserve to be in the sewers, crawling like reptiles. We`re going to give you a little pat on the rear." I was looki ng at the guard out of the corner of my eye, who until then had been daydreaming and that now, obligingly, applauded his boss`s words. "I warn you, Messeguer, refusing won`t do you any good. We have spies placed in strategic areas. They`re following your every move. They know what your mind knows." I felt dizzy and replied: "I don`t plan to cooperate." The medusa was becoming furious. "Messeguer, please! Know that by not cooperating, you`ll be helping us even more. Remember: three letters of recommendation in one week. Come now, my friend, wake up. The week has just begun."
Putting the "Oh!" in the Olympia: how the contest of the year has changed foreverFlex , Oct, 2004 by Shawn PerineFor competitors and fans, this year`s Mr. Olympia contest will be like none other in its storied past. For the first time in its 39-year history, the top six athletes will be allowed to call their own shots against their adversaries, courtesy of the new Challenge Round (detailed in last month`s issue). This new round will showcase exciting head-to-head comparisons of the top six finalists and give the athletes a chance to employ gamesmanship as they fight to move their final placings even higher. Better yet, because scoreboards will track the action, the audience will be able to see placings change and know the precise moment (the precise pose) when the title is reassigned or successfully retained. How this new round will ultimately affect the outcome of the competition is anyone`s guess. But for a taste of things to come, Team FLEX has decided to time-travel back one year and hypothetically apply the Challenge Round to the 2003 contest. Join us as we play a game of chess with six kings. At this time in the contest, the judging system whereby the athlete with the lowest points is ahead switches to a high-point system. The goal is to end with the highest point total. Points are allocated in reverse order of the placings as they stand. Thus, going into the Challenge Round, the point totals and placings are as shown. ROUND 4 THE CHALLENGE ROUND KEVIN LEVRONE Kevin Levrone goes first in calling for side-by-side comparisons at center stage in Mandalay Bay Events Center. He challenges the other five competitors in ascending order of their ranking. * Gunter Kevin has three poses he knows he can count on--most-muscular, side chest and side triceps. He can use any one pose only twice in this round, so the question is which pose to use against whom? He goes with side triceps against Gunter. Good call. The judges award him the win for this pose and two points. EVIN: +2 * Dennis Kevin knows Dennis looks great from both the front and side. No pose from those angles is a slam dunk. Kevin decides to hit Dennis with a rear double biceps. Another smart move. Another two points. KEVIN: +4 * Dexter Time to pull out the big artillery. Kevin opts for his trademark most-muscular--his hands clasped in front of his navel. Dexter hits his full-on crab shot. It`s close. There`s a delay in the posting of the score. The crowd starts to murmur and whistle. Suddenly, the digital screen shows Kevin with two more points! KEVIN: +6 * Jay Kevin`s first thought is to draw from the most-muscular well again. But he stops himself: There`s still Ronnie to deal with! Time for a side-chest shot. Kevin`s looking great, but Jay starts flexing his right foot up and down, drawing attention to his calf and ham development. The scores go up. Kevin loses this pose! JAY: +2 * Ronnie There`s no question what Kevin has to do now. He closes his eyes for a split second as he focuses on the monumental task before him. Then, with a word from the emcee, Kevin and Ronnie simultaneously blow it out and bear down as both hit most-muscular shots. Kevin is near perfect. Ronnie is near inhuman. They relax and wait for the score; Kevin with hands on hips. A whoop rises from the crowd as Ronnie takes Kevin`s best and walks away with the win. RONNIE: +2 At the end of his Challenge Round cycle, Kevin has picked up six points, but Jay and Ronnie have managed to score two points apiece off Kevin. The Olympia digital scoreboards show the new standings and point totals. GUNTER SCHLIERKAMP It`s Gunter`s turn to challenge the others. He knows his awesome back is his strong suit. But it`s tough to challenge Ronnie on back, so Gunter knows which pose to save for Big Ron. * Kevin Gunter wants revenge for his side-triceps loss to Kevin. He decides to pull an old favorite out of his hat--the Arnold-inspired shot where one stands sideways to the audience and throws one`s arms out parallel to each other, as if in a tug of war. It showcases not only arms but chest as well and, if the poser can hold his stomach in long enough, can be very dramatic. Gunter calls the shot. Kevin isn`t very familiar with it and works to find the "groove." Too late. The allotted three seconds are up. Gunter`s strategy works. GUNTER: +2 * Dennis Gunter wants to save his back shots for the guys at the top, but he knows that matching his strength against Dennis` weakness is a sure way to gain coveted points. He calls for a rear lat spread. Both men thrust a foot forward and slam it down to flex the calf. Then they spread their lats. Gunter`s back is overwhelming. GUNTER: +4 * Dexter Gunter knows Dexter has almost no weaknesses. Like Dennis, though, his lats are on the high side. He goes with a back shot again. This time, Gunter draws from one of the nonmandatory poses--a twisting three-quarter back pose. He hits the pose perfectly, while Dexter, like Kevin earlier, struggles to get himself into a comfortable position. The judges give it to Gunter. GUNTER: +6 * Jay Next to Ronnie, Jay is the only guy Gunter feels he can`t overwhelm with sheer mass alone. Time to pull out the big guns. "Back double biceps," Gunter shouts, as much to the audience as to the judges. He and Jay turn to face the rear of the stage and then, on the emcee`s command, both launch into the pose. As time is called, both men lower their arms to relax. After taking a moment for the noise to subside, the score goes up. Two points for Jay! A mix of cheers and boos pepper the air. JAY: +2 7-Eyes relaxation index
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